The Cold One
by maroonbanana
Summary: Ben's thoughts from when he first arrives in Pawnee.  Romance with Leslie and some angst. T now but may change to M later.


Another town.

Another budget.

Another set of lives ruined.

I know I shouldn't feel responsible, but in certain ways I do. I did this to my town, but really…it could have happened in any town. I could do it again with my budget cuts; I could save jobs but hurt so many more by leaving local governments running with flack that can be cut off.

It's a difficult decision to make, but in the end I just do my job.

And, cue the death threats.

Chris is sitting next to me, chattering away and jamming out to the song that's currently playing, and attempting to stimulate conversation with me, as always. I like Chris, he's a close friend, and he's certainly played a significant role in the decrease of death threats. Except…well, when we're on the road and I'm driving, or he's trying to talk to me, I just really want to pump him full of tranquillizers and sedatives.

I tune into what he is saying and I realize this was an awful idea.

"Ben Wyatt! How long are we going to be in Pawnee?"

"I know you're trying to start a conversation, but I really don't know how long."

"Ben Wyatt." Oh, here it comes. "Sometimes, you are li'trally the most difficult person to talk to."

"Sorry."

Finally, I could see a sign for the hotel we were staying at. It was a mile away. It was the longest mile I have ever driven.

After hours upon hours spent with Chris, it was nice to have a moment to myself to unpack in my own room.

I met him downstairs two hours later with sardonic "Ready to go slash some budgets?"

OoO

People usually have two reactions upon meeting Chris. One: they immediately dislike him and his cheeriness. Two: They like him but are clearly perplexed and uncomfortable with his cheeriness.

Leslie Knope did neither of these things. She unhesitatingly accepted his cheerfulness with minimal surprise, her face lighting up and her hair bouncing with frantic movements that clearly showed how high-wired she was. She was probably one of those people who never sleeps and overworks.

Maybe she actually likes her job.

Chris walked in with his usual swagger, clearly surprising everyone. Then he did that thing where he remembers people. I feel slightly embarrassed because, well, I'm stuck with this guy.

Ron looks uncomfortable.

Leslie has a smile stuck on her face, but rolls with the punches and keeps her smile on.

He asks me about the tour, and ignores my comments completely, as always. After the tour, he gives his inspirational speech and walks out. I look at Leslie and we head into the conference room. Leslie starts to comment happily on my shirt, which pleases me, but I don't want her thinking I am anything like Chris, because I'm not, so I cut her off with what I had hoped was a semi-coherent question about department waste.

I shuffle papers for a moment, and she flies off the handle while Ron starts acting like a serial rapist.

Here comes the part where an extremely attractive, determined woman starts to hate my guts, and that old melancholy about hurting so many people comes back. I need to convey that this is not my fault, and I'm trying to fix things. She's not getting it. I'm clearly the bad guy because I'm the one in charge of making difficult decisions that haunt me every day and night and ruin jobs of so many.

"Okay, you need to understand that just to keep this town afloat we probably have to cut the budget of every department by forty or fifty percent."

Then I had to disillusion her, and Ron starts giggling like a schoolgirl and I am beyond uncomfortable, and Leslie's face loses that beautiful smile and she calls me a jerk, and I'm partially stunned, and partially hurt which is absolutely ridiculous because I don't even know Leslie Knope and it's not my fault that these cuts need to happen and I shouldn't feel like it's my fault but I always do. No one has ever been this direct with me, though, and I think she wants to be even more rude but I don't think she knows how so she settles with a moving monologue about how worthy everyone is for their jobs and I just can't take it because she's right, but what else can I do. I feel slightly breathless, but continue all the same.

I hide my breathlessness and hurt behind sarcasm and a mask of wariness. "This building has feelings?"

"Maybe. There's a lot of history in this one, maybe it does." I'm about to laugh but then she insults me again, and I'm left trying to defend myself.

"I need spreadsheets. Thanks." I pick up my stuff and leave before I say something that will ruin any inkling of a chance with this woman.

I feel them all staring at me, and I realize how ridiculous that thought was. Of course she'd never give me a chance, and what exactly was I thinking would happen? She hated me, and I travel a lot and it's a stupid idea that doesn't need time to fester.

I make my way through a couple other departments before calling it a day.

Chris comes bouncing into my hotel room without knocking, handing me an invitation to some club tonight. "I don't think so, Chris."

"Ah but I saw you looking at Ms. Knope today and she will most definitely be there."

"You have got to be kidding me."

"No, I am not. We should go and get to know the Parks people. Leslie Knope would like you, Ben."

I sighed and grabbed my coat, following him out to the car.

OoO

I walk in and immediately recognize that this was a mistake. Leslie was clearly drunk, and I don't want to talk to her, but Chris is pushing me towards her and already walking the other way.

Social gatherings are not my forte. I look around uncomfortably while I take my jacket off, the make my way over to Ron Swanson, who clearly enjoyed talking about budget cuts. I procrastinated on confronting Leslie by starting a cutting conversation with Ron, which was a really bad idea because he began giggling like a school girl again, only worse because he, too, was drunk.

I leave the conversation due to high creepiness levels and make my way over to Leslie Knope.

I approach her slowly, and realize she's already seen me.

For a second I think everything is going to be okay as I say hi and she holds out her hand imperially and listens to me with what appears to be a receptive face, but then she starts telling me off in a manner I'm sure she assumes is very cool in her drunken daze.

The thing about being yelled at by a drunken person is that they hold nothing back. They say what's on their mind, what they're really thinking, there is no censorship from their thoughts to their mouths. Her friend sat there, clearly in awe at the entire situation, while I had my metaphysical ass handed to me and I just had no way of saying what I needed to say. My suspicions of whether this had been a good idea or not were confirmed. Yes, this had been a horrible idea.

"_You're a cold, callous person_."

I start to hide behind sarcasm, but the hurt is probably clear on my face as I walk away and tell her I'm so sorry for bothering her. I attempt to keep my face void of emotion, but Ron Swanson had been watching and casts me what I assume is his version of a sympathetic expression. I didn't think he had one of those, but maybe my budget cutting descriptions have made him like me.

I leave the bar, once again feeling the weight of the decisions I have to make on my shoulders.

I liked Leslie Knope. I liked that she gave it to me straight, whether she was drunk or not. I liked that determined grin she wore when she was working, and I liked her overly blonde hair and I liked that she got drunk at what appeared to be a gay bar and I liked that she actually cared about the jobs of her friends. I just didn't like that I liked her so much after one day.

I walk back to the hotel to clear my mind, and as soon as I'm done showering I fall on the bed and pass out. Some days were too long.

OoO

Leslie walked into my office around 10:00 this morning, and Chris greeted her with his usual enthusiasm. I didn't even look up, my humiliation so complete from last night.

"I'm here to speak to Ben, actually." Chris announces his plan for the next fifteen minutes, and walks to the doorway and starts doing chin-ups like this is a normal thing (for him it is) and Leslie comes and sits down.

"So, I'd like to apologize for yesterday."

"Don't worry about it," I practically mumble, not looking up. Her face is the last thing I need to see right now. I really just need to focus on my work and not on Leslie Knope for the rest of my time here.

She starts talking and I realize this is not a conversation that can be avoided, and I know her directness is going to make me like her more in the end but I look up anyways.

She looks even more beautiful than yesterday.

She starts apologizing, but I find something that I don't like and feel the immediate need to explain to her what's actually going on, to finally get this point across.

"Your city council and your mayor are the threats to your department." I need to make sure she understands this. "We didn't do anything to get you into this situation."

She starts yelling some more, but then she says something new. "You may hold my fate in your hands like a small bird," she falters a bit and I realize she is scared. She is scared of losing her job and her friends being fired, and while it's probably not in her nature to be so harsh, she doesn't know how to face this new threat. Then I think about the fact that she probably had no idea that this was coming. Sure, she probably knew that her government was running out of money, but I doubt she knew exactly how broke it was. "But I still think you're an ass."

I look at her face for a moment, and contemplate what to say next, and then a thought pops out before I can control it.

"You wanna get a beer?"

She maintains the same expression as before, but says, "It's like ten thirty in the morning."

"Yeah, but you seem like you could use a beer."

Well, now that it's out, there's nothing I can do.

Another argument, another day, but now I finally feel like I'm getting somewhere with her as we leave.

* * *

><p>AN: So any characters horribly OOC?

Seriously, my biggest fear is OOC writing.

It makes me nervous.

So please tell me.

The next chapter, depending on the response from YOU will be up sooner or later, and it will be the continuation based on the show. This one is "The Master Plan" and the rest of that episode is what's coming in the next chapter.

I hope you enjoyed!


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